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Yeesh

A woman with a brown paper bag over her head with her hands covering her eyes. Blog title, "Yeesh."

It’s so easy to get caught up in the idea that the things we do need to have a purpose and an outcome. Sometimes doing things is just enough. Not everything we do has to be great, or even adequate.


Even writing this blog, I’m trying to say something of interest in a way that is novel (or at least somewhat creative). My hope is that by the time you’re done reading this you’ve gained something intangible that then serves as a justification for the effort I put into writing this.


But today has been a creative slog. I’ve started a different blog post at least four times today, not even including this one. One I gave up on because it didn’t have a point of view. One I gave up on because it didn’t feel like it needed to be said. One I gave up on because I accidentally closed the document without saving. The last one that I abandoned was literally just one sentence that I was hoping would be followed by words, but no words came so I just deleted it.


But I haven’t been able to think of anything that says anything of value. But why do I need to say something of value? Can’t I just write something because it is what I want in the moment? Do I need to be hung up on the idea that my every utterance needs to have deeper significance? What happens if I just write something without worrying how it affects the world around me?


Well, I guess, you get something like this.


Is that so bad? I mean, yeah, if this is the only thing I do, but sometimes the best way to do something of value is to forget that you need to add value in the first place.


Sometimes the value that I add is just by being present. Maybe something in this blog post will make you think of something that you find interesting and then you will be spurred to some great action and then the world will have been changed by my decision to produce something without value. But thinking like that defeats the purpose of me writing something without purpose. If I let myself dwell there, then I may start to think that even things without value have value. To think about the value is to devalue the true worthlessness of this post.


Part of me feels like I’m writing all of this in the hopes that I’ll stumble upon some pearl of wisdom or nugget of truth to impart, like I can create meaning just by willing words into existence. But that also means that I’m trying to validate something without value and am looking to justify the time spent to write (and read) this nonsense.


Why am I seeking validation for something that I am defining as valueless? Even as I’m writing, I’m unsure if I should send this out into the world. Because I feel like everything I do needs to be justified. But it doesn’t.


And so in conclusion: I wrote a blog post about nothing with no real purpose. You just read this blog post and presumably will move on to your next thing. I worry that after reading this, you will be disappointed in my meager output. By worrying about your disappointment, I’m just reinforcing an idea that everything I do needs to be valuable. I hope this insight finds you well today and that you still like me even after realizing that I just wasted your time.


Yeesh. I feel like I owe you an apology (none will be forthcoming).


Peace,

Rev. Jeff Fox-Kline

Twelve Corners Presbyterian Church

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